The Aftermath of Grandiosity Looks a Lot Like Broken Trust
By Jayne Millerton
A friend of mine told me recently that during my manic episode, I apparently promised someone I would jet the around the world first-class.
A year after my mania faded I laughed when I heard it. Then I sat with it for a while and stopped laughing. Because I think I left my new partner a bit crushed for what I promised.
Because it was just one promise on a list I can barely remember making. Like creating several new businesses, spending cash after my divorce was finished. To simple silly things like giving Google reviews for every shop owner or worker who made eye contact with me.
I was living inside a version of myself that had no guardrails. Manic me was generous, magnetic, and absolutely convinced that everything I said would come true. I handed out silver coins pressed into the palms of strangers. Tips so large the waitstaff probably thought I was laundering money. Of course I believed every word of it. But it was the mania speaking.
Normal me woke up months later, terribly embarrassed. It contributed to the deep, dark depression I fell into.
People believed me. They took my promises seriously because I delivered them with total conviction. I looked them in the eye. I followed up with texts. I laid out plans with the kind of detail that made it all sound not just possible but inevitable.
I told people I would open an antique store, a bookshop, an art gallery, a new online news source, and a visitors guide. All at the same time. I collected phone numbers from over a hundred people because I was convinced my job was to connect them, to see what they needed and match them with the right opportunity. I saw myself as a hub of generosity and vision. I was neither.
And now I’m afraid my new partner fell for manic me, the confident, charming, over-the-top version who talked about the future like it was already happening.
That thought will carve a hole in your chest.
Bipolar I mania is not just a chemical event. It is a social one. You do not go manic in isolation. You go manic in front of the people who trust you. I cannot undo the promises.
If someone you love is making extraordinary promises, please try to understand it’s part of the mental illness. Please be forgiving..
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